Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
