Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
