Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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