I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
