Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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