fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
