she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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