Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
