you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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