I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
