i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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