I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
