4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
