whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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