I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The best revenge is premature balding
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
