Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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