it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
