Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Randomize
