btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Randomize
