Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
