I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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