I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
