I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
