kristin has been a bad kristin
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
