Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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