You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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