Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
