Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
