I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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