I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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