My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
