Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
