I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
