arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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