i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
