Operation Purity has been aborted
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
