I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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