I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
