his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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