i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
