Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
