is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
