she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
