Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
