so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
