I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
