hotel room ftw
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
