The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We're too hungover to prance.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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