i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
