It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Randomize
