Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
