can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
