wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
