talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
